"Today the problem that has no name is how to juggle work, love, home, and children."
- Betty Friedan, The Second Stage
I had a BFO (Blinding Flash of the Obvious) experience recently.
I realised that for most of my life, I was in pursuit of this 'Ideal Self in the Future' that never gets realised. I get close to this Awesome Identity, and then I set my sights for a better version of it. ..... and so the vicious cycle is set: I never quite get there. How demoralising! Always just beyond my grasp. Always that of my own making....and therefore (BFO here): doesn't that mean it is within my power to change?
In that enlightening BFO moment, I asked myself: "What if I chose to do what seemed ordinary in the moment, and do that well? Will that not make it extraordinary then?" The fact that there is only one Unique Me in the whole world doing these 'ordinary things in the moment'- that has to make it special, doesn't it? What's more I get to stay in the 'Now' - and enjoy the bliss of momentary self-actualisation - time and time again. As Joseph Campbell says: "Follow Your Bliss". Do it every day in little doses. Don't wait for it to come in one Big Bliss at the end of your life. What if you die before then?
So as I juggle work, love, home and children, I realised the bliss of doing all these well - savouring every moment as I focused fully on each of these contexts, one at a time. Vision vs Mission become less confusing as a result. It is as if the Vision is no longer an unattainable ideal in the future. Instead it is being unified with the Mission and Values (simultaneously being executed and satisfied) one synchronised ordinary moment (The Power of Now) after another.....over and over again.....so it forms a continuum of blissful ordinary moments which hence simply make up an extraordinary life.
What does this mean?
For me, it was about being able to connect with deepening my understanding of "Why?" with "What" it is that I am, and "How" I do it.
The "Why" is about the Values that I long to satisfy: in my case, it is about connection, learning and partnerships. Connection can be a simple smile across the street to a stranger who reciprocates. Learning can be listening to the excited recount of your backseat passengers about their day as you drive them home from school or work. Partnerships is about not having all the answers and the ability to receive help and support from others.
The "What" is essentially the Vision of Who I am being satisfied moment by moment - in the 'Now': in other words, it's the seemingly small and ordinary milestones being reached regularly, moment by moment. It's recognising the Wins - no matter how small, moment by moment. It's constantly doing that which gives simple Joys over and over again, moment by moment. It's getting to know more of Me as I am learning from Others, moment by moment. It's raising the bar gradually but consistently so we can celebrate the Wins, moment by moment .... and so the cycle repeats.
The "How" is the Mission, the execution in the moment to actualise the Vision there and then. Simply it's about Just Doing It. It may be making a decision, acting on a new idea, pausing to reflect, making changes (big and small tweaks), doing more that works....
So, how are you doing the ordinary well, moment by moment, to be extraordinary in your life?